TABOO.

" Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives."

Ahead of the Mental Health Awareness Month, I would like to add a little bit to a conversation that has been doing the rounds on my newsfeed, the ignorance of a very select group of people with regards to the topic of Depression or as they like to put it 'You're just sad.' 

First of all, never ever  TELL a human being what they're feeling. Their emotions and how they are or not feeling is not for you to judge, analyse or conclude. It is their own. Happy, sad, angry, hurt, frustrated or depressed, never ask why or how. That's none of your concern. I'm sure you have enough worries and feelings of your own, so I suggest you focus on that. If they need you to put a label on the shit that they're going through they will ask, don't you think? 

Second, if you're in a rare situation where a friend musters up all the courage they have and makes the decision to come to you and he/she tells you they are depressed, if you don't know what to say at that moment and your brain cells suddenly burn out and you are completely blank, please shut up. Because I can assure you, nothing your then frozen self spews out at that moment, is coherent or of any help to me. Your innate judgement just at that moment is not what I came to you for. Just listen. That's all I wanted you to do anyway.

Third, to all of them bird brained idiots out there, I don't care if I am a great sport and if I take jokes made on me like a champ, it only takes one moment for that all to flip thanks to this very real disorder. You see, unlike popular belief regarding this disorder, I can't just control how I feel. They don't give us a controller and user manual when we get it. Sorry to disappoint. So try as I might I can't help it when the same thing you've made fun of a couple hundred times, hits me like a speeding truck one day. And try as I might and believe me I do, I can't get over it. Just that one day. So I suggest you get better at actually listening when people say the words 'not today please.' You've heard it quite a few times, I'm sure.

Depression is not just a 'phase' as I'm sure all of us going through it have heard from people at some point or the other, sometimes from our parents themselves. It is a disorder that very much exists. And affects. It is not a phase your kids, friends or siblings are going through to seek attention . It is not a trend we are trying to follow. It is not an excuse we are trying to make. It is a very real thing some of us are actually struggling with. Trust that much.  We are not asking you to help as this 'thing' that we're going through has made us more than capable of helping ourselves most of the time. All we ask for is that you lend us an ear or a shoulder for the days that we can't.

And to everyone going through it right now, never accept the things said against what you're going through. It is NOT a phase. You are not an attention whore. You are not making excuses. You are going through something hard. But it doesn't always have to be. Cause as much as your mind would like you to believe it to be true, you are not alone. Corny as it sounds, it is true. You always find the most unlikely confidante. Also, your parents are not against you. They're just in denial. All you need to do is explain. It's what I did. And nothing helped more than my mother did, believe me. Your life isn't all messed up. I know it looks like the worst fucking cards have been dealt to you and you always think of how it would be if it all ended. It is imperative that you abandon that train of thought as soon as possible. Nothing good comes of it. Focus on getting it better. The change of mind has to come from you. There is no fixed process, no sudden cure, no method that has been proved to work. You kinda just have to wing it and take it as it goes. And it is not a disorder that goes away. There are going to be days where you've had the best day and you suddenly drop down to the floor cause an overwhelming feeling of sadness takes over. But that's okay. It is a hard process. Spoiler alert, acceptance is the first step. Start from there. And go on until you can one day sit and talk about it freely without being ashamed or feeling down. Go on, till you can one day sit and blog about it and have a couple hundred people read it and maybe have just one person going through a hard time read it and give it some thought and go, 'Huh. Maybe I should.'

As always, Stay Strong :)