Sheetal :)

As I stand on the cliff overlooking the sea I am asked if I’m sure I want to jump. No I said, the ground behind and it’s consequences bind me helpless. The  responsibility I shoulder, the obligations I chose to take on, the decisions I have made and the people that I chose to care about more than I can myself hold me back. Is it funny or is it irony that the very reasons that hold me back also try and shove me off here. Does it make sense that the world we live in revolves so much around the very things that aren’t supposed to matter. What’s in a face? What’s in a shell? Isn’t the inside supposed to matter? Hasn’t self esteem been shoved down our throats based on these very words. Doesn’t the inside count? Don’t I deserve to be loved? If all that’s been said is true and I do then why is it I have forsaken all of the love I had and love has never once loved me back? These questions bring me here everyday and make me stare off and wonder everyday if this is all worth it. Is there a...

Loneliness is a feeling I'm slowly becoming familiar with. Its not even about being alone anymore. Its being in a room full of people and feeling like the most alone person in the world. The most familiar people seem so distant and the strangers have become the closest friends , what with the occasional hi and hello. I feel like that's all the human contact my body is allowing me to take. Smiling at someone I do not know is the most comfortable feeling right now. But gathering up a smile for a close one takes a lot of energy and is so draining.In a room full of people , my social being self closes up again. This feeling feels like something that latches on. Let's hope not. I do not know how to conduct myself anymore. I dont know what to say. I have forced myself into a corner.The demons are back , reminding me why I'm nothing and how I'm useless and disgusting and ugly and it seems like for the first time I agree. Ugh. If this what being emotionless feels like, le...