Ms.Lonely

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Loneliness is a feeling I'm slowly becoming familiar with. Its not even about being alone anymore. Its being in a room full of people and feeling like the most alone person in the world. The most familiar people seem so distant and the strangers have become the closest friends , what with the occasional hi and hello. I feel like that's all the human contact my body is allowing me to take. Smiling at someone I do not know is the most comfortable feeling right now. But gathering up a smile for a close one takes a lot of energy and is so draining.In a room full of people , my social being self closes up again. This feeling feels like something that latches on. Let's hope not. I do not know how to conduct myself anymore. I dont know what to say. I have forced myself into a corner.The demons are back , reminding me why I'm nothing and how I'm useless and disgusting and ugly and it seems like for the first time I agree. Ugh. If this what being emotionless feels like, let it be known that it is not a welcome one. This is me resoluting to not let it last.

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