MUSINGS.

-
As I stand on the cliff overlooking the sea I am asked if I’m sure I want to jump. No I said, the ground behind and it’s consequences bind me helpless. The  responsibility I shoulder, the obligations I chose to take on, the decisions I have made and the people that I chose to care about more than I can myself hold me back. Is it funny or is it irony that the very reasons that hold me back also try and shove me off here. Does it make sense that the world we live in revolves so much around the very things that aren’t supposed to matter. What’s in a face? What’s in a shell? Isn’t the inside supposed to matter? Hasn’t self esteem been shoved down our throats based on these very words. Doesn’t the inside count? Don’t I deserve to be loved? If all that’s been said is true and I do then why is it I have forsaken all of the love I had and love has never once loved me back? These questions bring me here everyday and make me stare off and wonder everyday if this is all worth it. Is there an answer or are there just more questions that are going to bring me back to this cliff and wonder? I wonder.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Reparations

-
"It is a messed up thing to be unkind to yourself but it’s progress when you start realizing it." - a very dear friend. Last year invoked and forced a lot of change for me. I found myself up at odd times at night dissecting the things I believe in and really diving into the what’s, why’s, and how’s. Under different circumstances, I would never have had the time to think and reconsider the essence of the most personal things. Where I’m going with this strain of thought, is that we often undermine the value of very simple things in our life. We don't all live the same frequency of the enormous undertaking that is life and so we don’t quite value the same things similarly. So you spend a lot of time being unkind to yourself basing your life on someone else’s. And it isn’t the same. It will never be the same. So why do it? On the one hand, we can put all of the blame on society and it’s inhuman expectations on its very diverse human individuals. But way out, on the other hand...
Read more

Hold on.

-
I wish I could say I want to go back to being the crazy, stupid , gullible girl that I was a year ago. But I can't. Life works that way. It happens to you when you least expect it. It can be everyone you loved just shoving you away like you never mattered. It can be yourself , just taking the road to destroying the old you to build a new person you hardly recognize. It can be your dad who was supposed to be there forever , who was once a part of your everyday now ceasing to become an email wishing you a happy birthday. It can be you crying yourself to sleep every night for six months because you are in a place where you have no one and its slowly driving you to insanity. It can be you relapsing, going back to everything you did to yourself three years ago. It can be anything. But you won't want to go back to being who you were. Because you survived through all that dark and maybe just maybe lived just enough to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. That's life ...
Read more

"I'M-(PERFECT)"?

-
Image
Long gone are the days where people used to look at inner beauty. Inner beauty today is a myth, a topic that is often ridiculed. As of today, when people look at someone, what they seek is perfection. We would be lying to ourselves and everyone else if we said otherwise.  Every girl seeks the perfect guy and every guy seeks to find his Ms.Right. Taking into account that everybody's sense of perfect is seemingly different. There still exist those rare people  who see past everything and look into the person inside. But most people just look for a thing of beauty not a person of beauty. There seems to be an alarming increase in people wanting other people to act or be or look a certain way. Why? I don't know. It is pretty ridiculous if you ask me but it is what it is. I had a friend , sorry , now acquaintance tell me once not long ago, " It's not that i don't like people. Its just that i expect people to be a certain way. You know my idea of perfection?". An...
Read more